Close the book, close the laptop
I’d love to tell you that I hear God all the time. I’d love to hear God all the time. But the reality is there are too many days that God seems silent. And so I go through my day, sometimes speaking out of turn, sometimes silently waiting to hear. But sometimes he does speak. Last night was one of those sometimes. I was frantically trying to finish my reading before my class. It was good reading, worth doing. And I felt God saying, close the book, close the laptop. I wrestled for a few seconds. I mean, I’m trying to be a good student. But then I did. I closed everything. Now what? Nothing. Just silence.
So I prayed. I started to ask God to make a decision for me about where to go. And to plead as I always do, that he wouldn’t send me alone. And then I stopped abruptly. I have always gone alone. I have never gone alone. No voice, just clarity. Why do I keep praying the same thing when the answer has always been there? Yes, I will go alone again. But he is with me. And he will provide for me while I am there. He will send people, not to go with me, but to be there with me. As he has always done. And I will not be alone. As I have never been alone.
Why do I beg him for the life I don’t have? Sure, the idea of having someone (or someones) with me from the start of the adventure sounds amazing. That’s why there are so many books about relationships and there are a myriad of networking and dating sites. No one really wants to do this thing called life alone. But there are days that I need to stop studying, stop planning, stop looking. Close the book, close the laptop. And choose to trust the God who has proven to me time and time again that I have never been and never will be alone.